Road to Mandalore

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Set between the two games. First of lots!

Canderous was not a happy man, he'd not slept for a week, the shower in his room was broken and he was hungry. It had been maybe a year since he'd travelled with Revan, and he hoped he would never see another Jedi again. It would mean he could die a happy man, in his bed if he really had to, if he never met an another one for the rest of his days.

He sat at the bar in the cantina and thought about his life, he remembered his many battles in the war, victories and defeats. The light under the bar hummed gently, reminding him of a lightsaber in full spate, his shoulders dropped at the thought, and he ordered another drink. He spun around on his seat and watched the two dancing Twi'lek absently. Revan had hated slavery to the extent that he had bought a slave and freed her. Canderous didn't care either way, he'd seen most things in his extensive travels and at the moment he just wanted some rest.

The music changed slightly and a woman walked onto the stage between the Twi'lek. The cantina hushed, the music silencing. She was dressed in silks that moved of their own accord, the effect was spell binding and made even the group of other Mandalorians in a corner booth fall silent. Canderous was impressed, she had barely moved, a shiver ran through her silks like a Dantooine wind. She began to move, raising her arms above her head and pausing for the barest moment, before lowering them to waist height. Behind her veil she smiled, her mark identified.

She danced like a dust storm, swirling around and over the tables, whirling faster and faster, sometimes stopping, with the music following her movements with practised ease. Her silks shedding like leaves from a tree, eagerly snapped up by the watching audience, men and women alike spellbound by the intricate motion. She made everyone who watched her feel as though she danced for them alone, but Canderous ignored it. He was watching the other Mandalorians, and thinking about what Revan had said. Uniting the clans would not be easy, but there again nothing in his life had been so far.

She leapt onto the bar like a cat, and her scent pulled him from his reverie, it was deep like an ocean, but free as the sands of Tatooine, it made him look into her face, actually look at her for the first time. As her eyes swallowed him he realised what was happening and raised his defences, his vehemence surprised her and she laughed behind her veil, whirling away to somewhere else.

Canderous turned back to his drink as the music stopped and she disappeared from the room to riotous applause,the patrons banging on the tables with anything they could lay their hands on, including weapons. The Mandalorians in the booth had fallen back to whatever they had been talking about, he suspected he had been the topic, and as he considered joining them he scratched his neck. He growled to himself, his neck chain was gone. He checked the box by his feet, and the blaster holstered on his hip. He looked at his empty glass and sighed, finding a person like that should be fairly easy and he could use another one.

"Hey, I'll take another one of those." He said, his head whipping around as someone behind him laid a hand on the small of his back. There was no-one there, but when he faced the bar again there was a tiny piece of silk next to his hand. He picked it up, the smell of her was still on it and he crushed it into his palm as his drink arrived.

"I'll settle the tab." He said to the droid.

"It's been taken care of sir." The droid replied primly.

"Who by?" He looked at the group in the corner, who had become more conspiratorial, drawing the shadows in around themselves as though they did not want him to see them.

"I cannot say, sir. I am permitted, however, to tell you that the bill for your room has also been paid. Clearly you have a benefactor." It cocked his head at him in way that it's programmer had obviously thought coquettish, but merely appeared smug.

Canderous wanted to break it in half, with his expenses paid, he had more than enough on him to cover any repair bill. He quelled the feeling and instead asked it, "that dancer, where was she from and where does she live?"

"Ask Dr'anni, the green skinned girl that is dancing at the moment." Canderous looked at the stage. "She will tell you."

Canderous stood up and picked up the case that had rested below his seat. The weight was comforting in his hands and he wished he could carry it in public. But he did not want to provoke people into attacking him so that they could take it off his hands. The repeating blaster was something that he felt connected him to his travels with Revan, that and the pendant on the chain, which was now gone. He stalked across the cantina towards the stage, skirting some groups of people, walking through the middle of others, ignoring their disgruntlement. He stopped at Dr'anni's feet and looked up, waiting.

She jiggled for five minutes before she noticed his waiting patiently, and upon seeing him she dropped into the splits, her right leg hanging over the edge of the stage. She bought her left leg around into the most provocative position she could think of, and was disappointed when he ignored it.

"Wha'sa you wan'?" She asked in broken basic.

"What was that dancer called?"

"You'sa wan' time with I?" She looked interested. "You'sa Mandalory, have a good time long while we hmm?"

"No, I just want her name, and if you know where she lives tell me." He growled, her face hardened.

"You'sa pay like everyone else," she looked over his shoulder. "It'sa credit or I knows nuthin'." Canderous sighed and produced a credit chip. She eyed it carefully. "Me'sa take Mandalory, then me'll tell." He extended it and she took it delicately. Opening her hand to reveal an empty palm, she grinned and stood up lithely.

"Me'sa not knows Mandalory." Canderous was totally still, breathing almost imperceptibly. On the outside he appeared calm, deadly calm. On the inside he was calmer, he thought for a moment. It was an irony of existence that her life was probably worth less than the droid's vapid platitudes, but most cantina owners had a problem with cleaning their good dancers off of the furniture. Not only did it cause problems with local security enforcement, it made decent drinks difficult to obtain.

"Why is it women play games?" He rumbled to himself. "No matter were they come from?" There had been times when he had wanted to slap Mission until she glowed. It had been the only thing that he and Carth had agreed on, but he had been restrained by his loyalty to Revan. The Wookie had been a lesser threat.

"Ok, I'll play," he set the case down. "Dr'anni, you want more credit?" The look in her eyes was suspicious, at first, but when he held up another chip in the tips of his fingers, her eyes locked onto it like a guided drone.

She bent down, hinting the he should drop it down her top and he licked one of his teeth. He knew she would probably be faster than him, but she would also not be expecting his next move.

Some scumbag in the gang haunted corridors under Taris, had once told him that he was an old man and should probably retire, Canderous could have handled that. But the idiot had pushed his luck. Canderous had been required to explain carefully, with diagrams, that if he said he was a Mandalorian. If he was demonstrably capable of destroying a gang on his own without getting shot. If he could field strip a blaster and employ said pieces in an entirely inventive manner, that probably violated more than just the warranty, and put it back together afterwards, it was probably safer not to call him a liar. After a protracted discussion with Canderous, on such issues as, personal safety, a need for honesty among mercenaries, and a polite request for him to cease hostilities. The young man had joined the Exchange without a second glance, he didn't dare refuse, his first glance had encountered an irate Mandalorian.

Canderous exhaled slowly and reached up to her top; concentrating carefully he let the chip drop. His hand followed it and she squealed with surprise as he pulled her down, caught her shorts in his other hand and tucked her under his arm like a pet. She gabbled her outrage as he picked up the case and strode towards the exit.

"Sir! Excuse me!" The bar droid quavered. "That belongs on the fixtures list for this cantina, if you take it out of the door it is not covered by the insurance. Any damage is your responsibility and I will have to contact local enforcement."

Canderous drew level with the end of the bar and looked at the droid.

"Ten minutes?" At his words, the droid adopted a pose of what could have been shock, although it actually looked as though it were about explode.

"I will bring her back, you have my word on it." He said as he walked out.

Well written

Well written all-around.
Canderous was always an interesting character, a Mandalorian but kind of a softy at the same time, and I think you've done a good job playing on his complex personality so far. Your writing is pretty solid throughout this first section. You do a good job of combining some interesting vocab with some literary devices through here to spice up the description and narration.

Obviously it's just a start to what appears to be a longer story so I hope you continue. I can see that you're going to be moving into a sort of "unraveling," where it seems like the story is going to get set if Canderous meets up with the dancer. That's an important moment for the story so make sure to set a scene that can carry the rest of the story.

Great work so far, keep it up.

***General Disclaimer: Writing is hard, criticism is easy. Please take these comments as my suggestions. In the end it's your story to write as you choose - Steve ***

Thank you very much! I

Thank you very much! I accept all con-crit at face value.

I'll post up some more of this when I get a moment. I've actually finished writing it, and embarked on another story. It's become a bit of it's own monster in a way, they always do though. See you later!

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