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Who truely deserves the light? (3 votes) In stormwind there is a dungeon that few know of. Deep below the royal chamber, the dark dreary dungeon houses those who have committed the worse of crimes. The prisoners aren't treated human here, depending on their crimes determines their torture. In the distance a loud yell of pain is heard, someone has just had a hot piece of iron put into their mouth. In the deeper part of this dungeon was a chained paladin, still in armor but seperated from his weapons. He was chained to the wall and hadn't eaten in days, or drunk. He hung there with his head down until he heard a loud boom. For the months he had been held there he hadn't heard a boom as loud as this. His cell door opened and his hopes were dashed as his jailors entered. Five human males entered, fully armored and steeled. "Bring the prisoner with us, we shall not lose this o..." Suddenly an arrow pierced his chest and he fell to the ground, dead. Not even a second later a large bear burst into the cell and began attacking the men, it killed one before an undead bearing the equipment of a rogue came and mutilated the body of another guard. With only 2 left they charged the undead and the bear. One was hit by and arrow, and the other by a fireball. Their corpses flew back and landed next to the paladin. A mage and a hunter walked in. The orc was a large muscular orc with a black eyepatch and scar running underneath the eyepatch. The mage was a female blood elf, her armor glowed almost angelically. The rogue was male, like the orc, he seemed unharmed and gave off a unsafe feeling. The mage kneeled by the paladin, checking for wounds. The orc pulled some enchanted bandages, netherweave, and the rogue picked the locks releasing the paladin. "Alright boys, time to leave." The mage then began creating a portal to a horde city as the orc bandaged the paladain. In an instant they were in Undercity.
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Quite a good story, but, I
Quite a good story, but, I wonder, does mine hold competition against it? After all, the Horde and Alliance's differences are less defined in mine, being that matters involve both the cowardly Alliance and the mighty Horde
For the Horde!
-Unknown
Way to start with some action
Way to start with some action - a lot of good stories start in media res, "in the middle of things" and it's a good way to draw your readers into the plot. It starts off with a sort of mystery since you're thrown into the tale without knowing a lot of the background, so you get to learn it as you go on.
This is just a short excerpt, and I hope you work to create more of the story later. While you're working, I would suggest working to develop these scenes to give them more depth. You introduce a good setting and a workable character from the beginning, but this entry rushes through a lot of areas that could be built into some killer descriptions.
By slowing down and describing the dungeon in more elaborate terms, try to avoid cliches like "dark, dreary dungeon" which sounds just flat and overused. Draw upon sensory details to help set the mold for your setting. When writing, take some time to think to yourself what would someone see/hear/smell/feel in this place?
With characters as well, we get a short background about the chained Paladin's condition in the dungeon, but what else about him. Some good character questions to ask are what does my characters feel/think/do?
You'll find that taking the time to try to answer some of this questions will not only boost the length of your pieces, but you'll solve depth problems before they ever come up. Don't get caught doing it *every* time, but taking a moment to dwell on a few of those questions can help to liven up a story.
Also, on a smaller note, take time to go through and edit your story. A clean spelling and punctuation bill will keep readers focused on the story and not on the tiny errors. Don't be afraid to plop your text into Word and do a quick grammar/spelling check to help catch somethings you may miss.
Keep it up, you're making a good start and I hope that you'll write some more. In writing, practice breeds improvement.
***General Disclaimer: Writing is hard, criticism is easy. Please take these comments as my suggestions. In the end it's your story to write as you choose - Steve ***
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