Heroes

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Prologue:

Azeroth.... only months ago the Dark Portal opened, allowing the demonic Burning Legion to once more return to the world. The shattered land of Draenor, now called Outland has become the front lines of the battle. The Burning Crusade soon began and with it, tales of adventurers and heroes banding together to fight a common cause. Illidan sent out his forces into the battle, causing a four way war between the Burning Legion, Horde, Alliance, and Illidari. Against all odds the heroes pressed on, defeating Illidan once and for all. The heroism continued as Prince Kael'thas was defeated when he turned against his people, the Blood Elves and joined forces with the Burning Legion. Soon the trolls of the Amani, led by Zul'Jin attacked the Blood Elves, intending to wipe them out, however both the Horde and the Alliance, realizing that they needed the Blood Elves to help fight the Burning Legion, came to the Blood Elves' aid. Only recently, Kil'Jaeden himself joined the fight, controlling the Blood Elves once coveted Sunwell. Before long Kil'Jaeden also met his end. Now the Horde and Alliance are left fighting the rest of the Burning Legion, but not without a feeling of doubt. Whispers of great happenings in the cold wastelands of Northrend have begun to reach the ears of both the Horde and Alliance. Rumors that The Lich King himself has returned, and this time he is more powerful than ever before. Months and months ago undead armies of the Scourge, the Lich King's servants, attacked both Horde and Alliance cities. Each faction succeeded in driving off the Scourge, but questions remain. Was this truly a setback for the Lich King? The Lich King's plan for his Scourge to once again attempt to purge the living from Azeroth seems to be turning into a more and more mysterious rumor then ever. Soon after the Scourge's attack, Kel'Thuzad, the commander of all Scourge remaining on Azeroth, in the Plaguelands, was killed. Does this mean that the Lich King has been truly setback? Only time will tell....

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Introduction

"Concentrate!" yelled Malfaros as Dekar began to lose hold of his grip on magic.
"Ahhhhhhh!" grunted Dekar as he fell on the floor of the room.
"You're getting much better." said Malfaros as he helped Dekar back to his feet.
"Eh, but I don't think generating a fireball which I am not yet strong enough to shoot at things and can barely hold won't be helping me much against the Legion." frowned Dekar.
"Ah, don't worry young one, we still have all of the time in the world to improve." encouraged Malfaros.

Dekar looked around the room in what was the Mage Quarter, the capital for Mages in Stormwind City, where he had lived for most of his life.

"I know you can't wait until you're strong enough to join the adventurers on their epic quest to save the world, Smiled Malfaros, I couldn't myself, but what you must remember is that war is never anything glamorous or fun."
"I don't think it is, I'm just tired of being the one sitting here while other people are out there putting their necks on the line for me." said Dekar.
"I understand, just keep on practicing your powers, and remember to always go out and have some fun, meet new people and make friends. It will benefit you more then you know out here." said Malfaros.
"Yes, you're a great friend and source of comfort for me in this world." smiled Dekar.
"Dekar?"
"Yes."
"I, I've been given a mission to head to Outland, to assist Honor Hold in defending the Dark Portal." said Malfaros
"Excellent! When are we leaving?"
"It's, it's not for both of us. You're not prepared to fight in Outland, there are too many dangers for you now."
"What? You're leaving without me? Who will be my instructor?"
"If you are ready, I am convinced that you can leave for Northshire, in Elwynn Forest, to aid the priests there."
"What? You are asking me to help the damn Priests give blessings and to do odd jobs there?"
"Dekar! Do not speak to me in that tone. No, there have been some problems there for the past year, and I think that you can assist the Stormwind Guard in protecting the forest."
"Forgive me, I spoke out of turn, Yes master I believe I am ready to begin my adventure, though I don't know whether to be happy about it, or to be sad about our separation."
"Do not be, young one, we will see each other again, "When the light leads our paths together", as the Priests and Paladins would put it."
"Thank you master, it is an honor, When do you depart?"
"Tommorow, you will leave for Northshire on the same day, Now I believe that we should get some rest and pack for tommorow, it will be a big day." said Malfaros
"Yes master." said Dekar

*The Next Day*

The sun shown bright on that particular spring morning as Dekar awoke to find that Malfaros was already outside waiting for him, a small portal leading the way to his destination.
"Good Morning, I trust you slept well?" asked Malfaros as Dekar stepped outside.
"Hardly." Yawned Dekar. "I've been overcome by the excitement of my mission."
Malfaros laughed, "Yes, I remember the feeling myself, you'll get used to it."
The two stood there, both unable to break the hanging tension.
Finally Malfaros spoke, "I wanted to give you something before I left, think of it as a parting gift."
"I would be honored to recieve your gift master." said Dekar
Malfaros smiled as he pulled something out of his bag, "Here." he said as he handed it to Dekar.
"A, a stone?" said Dekar in confusion.
"Oh, not any stone, this is what's called a hearthstone, they are magical stones that have the ability to teleport the user to their home." explained Malfaros
"Really?" said Dekar as he fumbled the stone in his hand. "This is a grand gift, thank you."
"Use it when you feel the need to once again find the comforts of home." said Malfaros.
"I only wish I had something to give you in return." said Dekar in an embarrased tone.
"No! I require nothing, young one." said Malfaros with a small smile.
Dekar tucked the stone in his pocket.
"Now, I believe the time has come." said Malfaros with a hint of sadness in his voice.
"Farewell and may your adventures be prosperous." said Malfaros, hugging Dekar.
"Goodbye Master, it was an honor to train under you." said Dekar, holding back tears.
With one last look at each other, Malfaros stepped through the portal, leaving Dekar alone.
Dekar in the Mage Quarter

For the first time since he was a boy, he was alone. Dekar sighed heavily. Now it was time for what he had always dreamed of, for him to become one of the Adventurers and to help protect Azeroth from the perilous dangers it faced.

"Ah, Apprentice Dekar, I am glad to have found you before you set off for Northshire." said Maginor Dumas, breaking the silence.
Dekar bowed, "It is an honor to be in the presence of the Academy's leader, sir."
Dumas laughed, "Thank you, apprentice, I trust you are prepared for your departure?"
"Yes, I was just about to leave."
"Good! Very good, I just came to give you your commendation."
"Commendation, sir?"
"Yes, you see over time you will begin to become more and more powerful in the arts of Magic, and we have divided those points into what we call "Levels", you see each level is a measure of power, starting at one and going up to 70."
"How will I earn those commendations sir?"
"Here" Dumas handed Dekar a small token "The inscription says "1" on the token, am I correct?"
"Yes, sir."
"Good, now the token is enchanted to tell when you are ready for more challenging tasks, it also tells our teachers when you are ready to learn new ways to bend the Arcane magic to your bidding. Over time the inscription will go from one to two and so on."
"How will I know when it changes sir?"
"It will vibrate and begin to heat, you will know, trust me."
"Thank you sir." said Dekar placing the token in his pocket.
"Yes, and congratulations on graduating from your apprenticeship to becoming a full-fledged Mage in the Wizard's Sanctum." said Dumas
"Before I let you go I wanted to also give you this." said Dumas handing Dekar a blank paged book.
"Record the days events in this journal from now on, it may serve as a guide in dark times, or something to at least keep you sane and to let out your emotions in"
"Now I must be off, good luck on your adventures, and remember to visit when you get the chance!" said Dumas as he walked up Wizard's Sanctum, a tower in the Mage Quarter.

Dekar gave Dumas his thanks and took one last look around at his home, and then he was off. The journey to Northshire took about a two hour walk, roughly, by the time Dekar got there he was exhausted. A Priest led him to a small room, where he laid down on a bench and slept, wondering what the next day would bring.

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Book One: The Beginning

Day 1: Northshire

Today I began my Adventure. I was given this Journal by Maginor Dumas to keep a record of my travels in, and to help me stay sane, whatever that may mean.
I began the day by asking a Priest where I can go to assist the Northshire Abbey and he directed me to Deputy Willem just outside of the Abbey. It turned out, in fact that Deputy Willem told me that he had nothing for me to do, however his superior, Marshal Mcbride would probably have a job for me. I thanked him and left to see Marshal Mcbride.
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"Hail Marshal Mcbride." I said, saluting him with respect.
"Hello there adventurer, what business brings you to Northshire?"
"I am on official Mage business to assist Northshire to the best of my abilities."
Mcbride gave me a quick lookover.
"Well I believe I could help you there, you see recently, a camp of Kobolds has settled just north of the Abbey, and they are posing a threat to our citizens. I want you to go there and thin their ranks, kill the Kobolds, and I will give you another task."
"Yes Sir." I said
"Adventurer, what is your name?"
"Dekar, my name is Dekar."

I advanced towards the Kobold camps, readying myself with some Frost Armor, one of the abilities I had managed to master back in Stormwind, I began to charge up a fireball. As soon as I felt the buildup of power, and got to the point where I felt that I could not hold it any longer I released it at a Kobold, the Kobold collapsed, charred by the blow. I continued this cycle for the next few hours, using my staff when the Kobolds got too close. Eventually I made a mistake and my robes caught fire. Abandoning my blackened and burned Apprentice Robes, I found some frayed robes from one of the Kobold corpses. I also found a cloak and some bracers, which I relinquished to due the fact that they were mail and mail armor tends to get in the way of spell casting. After killing another Kobold I felt warm, worried that I had set myself on fire again, I yelled. Then a token fell from my pocket emblazoned with the number "2" on it. I smiled at my foolishness and felt a feeling of success at achieving my rank of a level 2 Mage. I managed to kill an entire camp of the Kobolds and was satisfied with the job, so I returned to Marshal Mcbride. He congratulated me on my success and told me of more Kobolds in a mine to the North. I agreed to investigate it before I retired for the day. What I found was a small Kobold operation setup in the Mine, it seemed that these creatures loved the mines. I gave my report to Marshal Mcbride and he said that in the morning he'd have a new job for me. I end the day writing this account of it's events.

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Day 2: The Teacher

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kMHxkpC DvpTnYh

Your prose is pretty clean

Your prose is pretty clean and your dialogue reads naturally, so those are things going for you.

However, this story so far is so dialogue heavy that it's a put off. I would mix up your speaking parts with a heavy dose of description and narration. You can expand out events happening here by elaborating on what's going on.

For example, in Chapter 1, Dekar is entering his first battle of sorts. What's he feeling, what's the surroundings? Take some time to slow it down and develop. Characters and settings are equally as important as dialogue and action. You have to balance these things out to make the story more effective. I'm familiar with World of Warcraft only from what I've seen my brother play, so you'll have to do more heavy lifting with the prose to describe your tale. The story should go beyond what you can just pick up by playing the game - the story should include everything that's *missing* from just playing.

Keep at it, in writing, practice brings improvement.

*** Writing is hard, criticism is easy. Please take these comments as my suggestions. In the end it's your story to write as you choose - Steve ***

thanks I'll try to revise the

thanks I'll try to revise the previous entries and change them around a bit like you suggested.

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